large bucket, extra butter.

Americans love to rank everything. The top universites, the best hospitals, the loudest heavy metal moments, the most flatulent-inducing chili. So I guess I shouldn't have been surprised when I saw Time Magazine's All Time 100 Movies list.

Wait. Time Magazine? That's like Sports Illustrated ranking the top sous chefs in the world, or Reader's Digest ranking the greatest moments in NASCAR history. (Note: If you want to see a list with legs, check out the AFI list. Even though it's 100% Bush-friendly, it's only mildly sucky.)

The Time list is just that, a "list". No order, no sorting. It's an exercise in indecisiveness.

This is not to say that Time is off base. The editors clearly read the AFI list and were sure to include "Citizen Kane" and "On the Waterfront". I was even surprised to see some of my favorites included, like Bergman's "Persona" and the original "Machurian Candidate" (starring Frank Sinatra!). But where's "Rashomon" or "The Seventh Seal"? Who fell asleep halfway up the AFI list?

OK, I admit it, I'm a movie snob. But this "list" sucks. Anytime "Finding Nemo" is on a Top 100 list and the readers pick "The Lord of the Rings" as #1, you'd better head elsewhere. Even that pimply 15-year-old at Hollywood Video can point you in a better direction than the geniuses at Time.